Ask Before Providing Feedback No-Fail Secrets series 5 of 7

Today I am continuing the conversation we have been having about the Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama!  Today’s secret is ‘Ask before providing feedback’.  Giving useful feedback is a great way to help a teammate become better.  However, it is not something you should just blindside them with whenever you think of it.  Instead, check in with them to determine if it is a good time.  Saying things like “I’d like to offer you some feedback” or “Can I share a suggesting with you” will give them a split second to prepare themselves.  And if it isn’t a good time, they can let you know when it would be better.   It is also important to think about what is going on around you.  Giving feedback in the locker room or on the field/court with other teammate around can create an embarrassing or defensive situation.  “Constructive criticism” is a private matter meant to help an individual be better.  There is no need to share it with the whole team.

 

I hope you found that tip helpful.  If you have a question you would like me to answer, email me at [email protected].

 

I look forward to seeing you in future videos and I wish you the most from your potential.

Assume the Positive – No-Fail Secrets series 4 of 7

Today’s secret is ‘assume the positive’.  It is really easy for us to make up and assume negative things about people.  “She’s out to get me.” “He is stupid.” “My coach doesn’t like me.”  As I often explain when I give keynote talks, most often people aren’t out to get you even if it feels that way.  When we go to talk to someone with a negative assumption they are likely to become defensive pretty quickly.  If we can make up something positive instead, “My coach is trying to make me a better player”, or at least neutral, “I wonder what is going on”, we are more likely to have a conversation than a confrontation.

If you have a question you would like me to answer you can email me at [email protected], use the contact page, send me a tweet @DocRobyn or message me on Facebook.

I look forward to seeing you again in future videos and I wish you the most from your potential

Put Internal Dialogue into Words – No-Fail Secrets series 3 of 7

Your internal dialogue is the running commentary created in your head by the body language and inflection someone is using during a conversation.  Unfortunately, we very rarely share this information with the person we are talking to until we are upset about it.  You might think someone is being rude or mean when that isn’t their intention at all.  When you put your internal dialogue into words it allows the other person to understand where you are in the conversation and to correct course more quickly when a miscommunication is occurring.

Thank you for watching and I wish you the most from your potential.

If you have a question you would like me to answer, you can email me at [email protected]

 

You are Invited to Doc Robyn’s Talk on Mental Toughness

Topic:   Increasing Your Mental Toughness

When:                                                                             Where:

Saturday November 3, 2012                                           Kendall Park Roller Rink
Presentation From 9:00—10:00 AM                               3550 State Route 27
Doors open at 8:00 AM                                                   Kendall Park, NJ 08824

Nationally known sport psychologist, author and speaker Dr. Robyn Odegaard will give a rare, open to the public, presentation: Increasing Your Mental Toughness.  $10 Per Person – Proceeds to benefit Breakaway Racing.

Download Flyer: Mental Toughness flyer

Questions: Email [email protected]

Breakaway Racing is a world class inline speed skating team open to all interested in the sport of  inline racing.  Please contact Jane Carey at 267-229-8080 for more information

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka Doc Robyn) is a nationally known speaker, writer, and consultant.  She has a doctorate in psychology with a concentration in sport and performance from Rutgers University. She is CEO of Champion Performance Development (www.ChampPerformance.com), an organization that enables her to combine her skills in executive coaching, organizational development, sports psychology, and public speaking to show her clients how they can achieve success in every aspect of their lives.  Doc Robyn founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign, authored the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams (www.StopTheDramaNow.com), and speaks at high schools and colleges, instilling in students the same skills that bring success to her business clients.  She is a sought after expert in leadership, teamwork, communication and conflict resolution for radio, TV and print.   Doc Robyn recommends the presentation for ages 15+.

 

 

 

 

Allow Space to Feel – No-Fail Secrets series 2 of 7


Do you agree? Is there more going on for you in a conversation than just the words being said?

Continuing the series on the Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! today’s tips is – give yourself space to feel.  People often balk at this tip because they believe feelings shouldn’t be part of the equation in a ‘logical’ discussion.  How often have you been told not to take things so personally, not to be so emotional or to check your feelings at the gate?  The truth is, feelings and emotions are what run our lives.  All of us have experienced saying something we regretted or walking away from a situation and then thinking of the perfect thing to say.  That is what happens when emotions run out high and we don’t take the time to figure them out in the moment.

Slow the conversation down, give yourself a chance to figure out what is going on for you emotionally and then attach a word to it.  Sometimes it is tough to come up with the right word.  In those cases, a feeling words list like the one at the back to “Stop The Drama!” can help.  I know it sounds corny. But if you can’t come up with the right word for how you feel you certainly aren’t going to be able to explain it to someone else.

Take the time to figure out how you feel and how to describe it and then you can decide if it needs to be part of the conversation or not.

You download a copy of a Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! at the bottom of the home page.

It you have a question you would like me to answer, send me an email [email protected] or use the contact us page.

“I wish you the most from your potential!”

 

Speak From the “I” – No-Fail Secrets series 1 of 7

The first of the Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! is speak from the “I”.  This means to start your sentences with “I think…” “I feel…” “My experience was…”  It is easy to start telling someone what they did wrong by starting thoughts with the word “you”.  Doing so only gives the listener two choices: Accept your criticism or defend themselves.  Most of the time people chose to defend themselves and the conversation escalates into a confrontation.  Speaking from the “I” allows you to take ownership of your side of the conversation while minimizing the likelihood of a defensive response from the other person

You can download a written copy of all seven secrets at the bottom of the home page.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer put a comment here, use the contact pag,  email me directly [email protected] or send me a tweet @DocRobyn.

I hope that is helpful and I wish you the most from your potential!

 

Five Things You Should Never Say in an Argument

“You make me….” (angry, mad, insane, etc)No one makes you anything.  You get to chose.  By telling someone they make you feel a certain way you are giving them your power.  If you are feeling something during a disagreement, own it.  “I am angry.”  No one can argue with how you feel.  They can argue with you if they are trying to “make” you feel that way.

“It’s your fault….” Placing blame never accomplishes anything.  Once there has been an accusation of blame the conversation will become a back and forth escalation about who is at fault rather than about the problem and how to solve it.  You are…. (stupid, lying, wrong)  A personal attack will immediately put the other person on the defensive and the discussion becomes win/lose.  Instead try to keep the lines of communication open by controlling your side of the conversation.  “My recollection of the facts is different.”  “That is not how I remember it.”  “From my perspective….”

“You should/shouldn’t have….” Things that happened in the past cannot be undone.  Telling someone what they should or shouldn’t have done is looking backwards.  Instead, look forward.  “In the future I would like to see xyz handled differently.”  Then talk about what you would like to see happen in the future.

“You aren’t listening to me!”  This is a statement that is almost guaranteed to be made in any heated disagreement and it always results in the same answer: “Yes I am!”  Instead try, “I’m not sure you understood me.  Let me try that again.” Or “I’m not feeling understood.”

I hope that is helpful and I wish you the most from your potential.  If you have a question you would like me to answer send me an email [email protected] or use the contact us page.

 

WSU & Why I Founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign

 

Today I am going to answer a question I get asked very often – Why did I found the Stop The Drama! Campaign?  But first I need to say hello to my new friends out at Washington State University.  I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to their women’s basketball, tennis and crew teams recently.  What a great group of people.  On to the question – I was fortunate when I was doing my internship in grad school that I got to work part time doing sport psychology for a university and part time doing organizational development in the corporate world.  I noticed that the same problems were coming up in both places – poor communication, lack of conflict resolution, no leadership and teams that weren’t working well together.  And I was teaching them the same skills – effective communication, productive conflict, how to be a leader others will follow and great teamwork.  When I graduated I wanted to continue doing the same type of work but was unable to find a job that would let me. So I started my company Champion Performance Development (http://ChampPerformance.com) and founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign because I believe those skills need to be provided to high school and college students, not just corporate executives.  If you have a question you would like me to answer, email me at [email protected].  I look forward to seeing you in future videos and I wish you the most from your potential!

What is Productive Conflict?

Today’s question is from Jaime in Princeton New Jersey.  “I have been reading your book and learning a lot from it.  Could you talk about productive conflict?  It doesn’t seem like those two words go together.”  Productive conflict is understanding that conflict happens and when done correctly is a healthy part of any relationship/team.  Too often we wait until we are upset before we address a problem.  Being productive means we talk about a problem when it is small, explain what we need and why we need it, use active listening when hearing the other person’s side, reach/implement a solution and move on.  If you have a question you would like me to answer, send me an email at [email protected] or use the contact page on the website listed above.

Why Are Women be SO Catty?

 

Why are women so catty?  The answer is twofold.  One – it is evolutionary.  Back at the dawn of time is used to make sense for women to try to push each other out of the group.  Being able to ostracize someone meant more resources for you and your family.  Secondly – we aren’t teaching young women anything different.  College, high school, junior high and even grade school girls are allowed to engage in gossip, backstabbing, catty behavior and bickering rather than being taught how to use productive conflict, ask for what they want by using language powerfully, have tough conversations when they are small and resolve disagreements.  That is why I founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign, to provide women and the men who work with them the skills they need to Stop The Drama!