You are Invited to Doc Robyn’s Talk on Mental Toughness

Topic:   Increasing Your Mental Toughness

When:                                                                             Where:

Saturday November 3, 2012                                           Kendall Park Roller Rink
Presentation From 9:00—10:00 AM                               3550 State Route 27
Doors open at 8:00 AM                                                   Kendall Park, NJ 08824

Nationally known sport psychologist, author and speaker Dr. Robyn Odegaard will give a rare, open to the public, presentation: Increasing Your Mental Toughness.  $10 Per Person – Proceeds to benefit Breakaway Racing.

Download Flyer: Mental Toughness flyer

Questions: Email [email protected]

Breakaway Racing is a world class inline speed skating team open to all interested in the sport of  inline racing.  Please contact Jane Carey at 267-229-8080 for more information

Dr. Robyn Odegaard (aka Doc Robyn) is a nationally known speaker, writer, and consultant.  She has a doctorate in psychology with a concentration in sport and performance from Rutgers University. She is CEO of Champion Performance Development (www.ChampPerformance.com), an organization that enables her to combine her skills in executive coaching, organizational development, sports psychology, and public speaking to show her clients how they can achieve success in every aspect of their lives.  Doc Robyn founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign, authored the book Stop The Drama! The Ultimate Guide to Female Teams (www.StopTheDramaNow.com), and speaks at high schools and colleges, instilling in students the same skills that bring success to her business clients.  She is a sought after expert in leadership, teamwork, communication and conflict resolution for radio, TV and print.   Doc Robyn recommends the presentation for ages 15+.

 

 

 

 

Allow Space to Feel – No-Fail Secrets series 2 of 7


Do you agree? Is there more going on for you in a conversation than just the words being said?

Continuing the series on the Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! today’s tips is – give yourself space to feel.  People often balk at this tip because they believe feelings shouldn’t be part of the equation in a ‘logical’ discussion.  How often have you been told not to take things so personally, not to be so emotional or to check your feelings at the gate?  The truth is, feelings and emotions are what run our lives.  All of us have experienced saying something we regretted or walking away from a situation and then thinking of the perfect thing to say.  That is what happens when emotions run out high and we don’t take the time to figure them out in the moment.

Slow the conversation down, give yourself a chance to figure out what is going on for you emotionally and then attach a word to it.  Sometimes it is tough to come up with the right word.  In those cases, a feeling words list like the one at the back to “Stop The Drama!” can help.  I know it sounds corny. But if you can’t come up with the right word for how you feel you certainly aren’t going to be able to explain it to someone else.

Take the time to figure out how you feel and how to describe it and then you can decide if it needs to be part of the conversation or not.

You download a copy of a Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! at the bottom of the home page.

It you have a question you would like me to answer, send me an email [email protected] or use the contact us page.

“I wish you the most from your potential!”

 

Speak From the “I” – No-Fail Secrets series 1 of 7

The first of the Seven No-Fail Secrets to Stop The Drama! is speak from the “I”.  This means to start your sentences with “I think…” “I feel…” “My experience was…”  It is easy to start telling someone what they did wrong by starting thoughts with the word “you”.  Doing so only gives the listener two choices: Accept your criticism or defend themselves.  Most of the time people chose to defend themselves and the conversation escalates into a confrontation.  Speaking from the “I” allows you to take ownership of your side of the conversation while minimizing the likelihood of a defensive response from the other person

You can download a written copy of all seven secrets at the bottom of the home page.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer put a comment here, use the contact pag,  email me directly [email protected] or send me a tweet @DocRobyn.

I hope that is helpful and I wish you the most from your potential!

 

Five Things You Should Never Say in an Argument

“You make me….” (angry, mad, insane, etc)No one makes you anything.  You get to chose.  By telling someone they make you feel a certain way you are giving them your power.  If you are feeling something during a disagreement, own it.  “I am angry.”  No one can argue with how you feel.  They can argue with you if they are trying to “make” you feel that way.

“It’s your fault….” Placing blame never accomplishes anything.  Once there has been an accusation of blame the conversation will become a back and forth escalation about who is at fault rather than about the problem and how to solve it.  You are…. (stupid, lying, wrong)  A personal attack will immediately put the other person on the defensive and the discussion becomes win/lose.  Instead try to keep the lines of communication open by controlling your side of the conversation.  “My recollection of the facts is different.”  “That is not how I remember it.”  “From my perspective….”

“You should/shouldn’t have….” Things that happened in the past cannot be undone.  Telling someone what they should or shouldn’t have done is looking backwards.  Instead, look forward.  “In the future I would like to see xyz handled differently.”  Then talk about what you would like to see happen in the future.

“You aren’t listening to me!”  This is a statement that is almost guaranteed to be made in any heated disagreement and it always results in the same answer: “Yes I am!”  Instead try, “I’m not sure you understood me.  Let me try that again.” Or “I’m not feeling understood.”

I hope that is helpful and I wish you the most from your potential.  If you have a question you would like me to answer send me an email [email protected] or use the contact us page.

 

Why Are Women be SO Catty?

 

Why are women so catty?  The answer is twofold.  One – it is evolutionary.  Back at the dawn of time is used to make sense for women to try to push each other out of the group.  Being able to ostracize someone meant more resources for you and your family.  Secondly – we aren’t teaching young women anything different.  College, high school, junior high and even grade school girls are allowed to engage in gossip, backstabbing, catty behavior and bickering rather than being taught how to use productive conflict, ask for what they want by using language powerfully, have tough conversations when they are small and resolve disagreements.  That is why I founded the Stop The Drama! Campaign, to provide women and the men who work with them the skills they need to Stop The Drama!

The Black Box of Hope

 

It is all too common for us to hope and assume that people understand us.  A man once said to me, “I am a great communicator.  I always say exactly what I mean.  It’s not my fault people don’t understand me.”  That isn’t true.  If someone doesn’t understand you it is your responsibility to rephrase what you are saying and try again.  We all use Black Box Communication sometimes.   We say something we think is clear and expect, by some miracle, the person listening to you will just understand.  Instead of assuming, verify that the person heard what you meant to say.  And when you are the listener, say things like, “What I think you said was…” and repeat back what you heard.  That will give someone the opportunity to correct a misunderstanding before it causes a problem.

If you have a question you’d like to ask, you can email me [email protected] or use the contact us page.  I hope this video was helpful. I wish you the most from your potential!

Restaurants Have Drama Too

Have you ever wondered about the glaring looks you see between servers or wondered what they are talking about so energetically right before they come to your table, smile and say “Is everything okay with your meal?”  Here is an inside look at some restaurant drama:

I work the restaurant floor of a fancy pizza/bar type place.  When I say “the floor” I mean as opposed to the bar.  The floor is about twice to three times the size of the bar and yet they seem to think they need two of the four water pitchers in the place.  I have no idea why a restaurant this size only has four water pitchers but it does.  And that is the crux of the problem.

Two nights ago I was working several tables of my own plus I was covering three more for someone who was on break.  I needed to fill water glasses but when I went to get a pitcher there weren’t any at the station.  I looked over at the bar station and both of theirs were sitting there.  I grabbed one and filled the water glasses on all of my tables.

Now sure, I know I probably should have put the pitcher back at the bar station, but I was in a hurry so I put it down at the floor station.  I figured I would fill it and bring it back when things slowed down.

I rushed over to the food window to pick up a waiting appetizer and dinner for two of my tables.  As I was balancing full plates on my tray one of the bar girls says to me, “Where is my water pitcher?”

I look at her is disbelief, “Your water pitcher?” I replied

“Yes, I saw you take it from the bar. You better bring it back and it had better be full when you do.”

I rolled my eyes. In the time it had taken her to complain she could have picked it up and filled it.  I walked away to serve my tables.

After dropping off the food I started prepping a newly empty table for the next guests.  As I am working the girl comes up behind me and says, “I need that water pitcher.”

To which I replied (and I admit it was snide), “It is sitting right there, feel free to get it.”

She put her hand down on the table I was cleaning and said, “It is not my job to chase down what I need. Fill it and bring it back to the bar station.”

I was so annoyed I wanted to fill it and throw it at her.  Clearly she didn’t have enough to do if she had time to chase me down about a stupid water pitcher.  I finished what I was doing, filled the pitcher and slammed it down on “her” station, spilling water all over, and walked away.

Your boyfriend’s dog is making me crazy!

We are less than a month into the school year and roommate drama is starting to heat up.  This story comes to us from California…

 

Tonight we are going to have to have a “roommate dinner” to discuss a few things.  Last spring when we decided to live together I thought it would be great.  We were all clean and quite, more interested in studying than partying.  But then over the summer one of my roommates got a boyfriend.

Generally, I don’t mind him.  I think he is a little bit awkward and I don’t have much to talk to him about.  But he’s not my boyfriend so, whatever.  That was fine until I came home one afternoon to find him sitting on the couch watching our TV and his dog bouncing around the house.  I wasn’t going to say anything except the same thing happened the next day, and the next and…

This isn’t just a quiet dog that lies at your feet. This is a hyperactive lab-mix. And he is nosey.  You know the type of dog that has his nose in everything.  I chew gum and his nose is in my face.  I wash my hands and he wants to lick the smell off of them (yuck!). I try to eat dinner and his nose is in my plate.  I made the mistake of lying down for a nap and not latching my door tightly.  You guessed it; I was awoken by the dog jumping in bed with me.  That was the last straw.

I needed to know why her boyfriend was living with us and why his dog had free run of the house. Turns out, his roommates had kicked him out because they had had enough of the dog within the first week of school.

I say the dog and the boyfriend have to go.  I did not sign up to room with an awkward guy and his nosey dog.

 

What do you think?  Is she right to be annoyed with her roommate’s boyfriend having moved in and brought his dog?  What can she do about it without creating a miserable living situation for the rest of the year?

Friends With My Roommate. Hateful to Me.

(As told to Doc Robyn)

My first semester in college I met a group of five people, two girls, their boyfriends and a third guy.  We’ll call him Keith.  I had two guy roommates and the eight of us (five guys and three girls) all started hanging out together.  Keith was the butt of a lot of jokes and I didn’t think his friends treated him very well.  When we hung out I would often ask him if he was okay because my feelings would have been hurt if my “friends” acted that way.

The trouble started when one of the girls in the group started telling me that Keith really liked me and that he wanted to date me.  It was like she was trying to convince me he was my type.  But the truth was, he was cool to hang out with in the group but I wasn’t interested in dating him. After several weeks of being shoved in his direction by this girl, I decided I needed to actually talk to him to make sure there was no misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Keith and I went out and I explained that I thought he was a nice guy but I didn’t want to date him.  Keith was totally cool with the whole thing and thanked me for taking the time to sort it out and talk to him directly.  It seemed the girl had been telling him stuff too. Now Keith and I were on the same page so it was all good, case closed.  But it wasn’t closed.  It had only just started.

The girl started telling everyone I had lead Keith on, broken his heart, and that I was an awful person.  She got my roommates involved and started making everyone pick sides.  They could chose her and the “nice” people, or terrible, mean, hurtful me.  It got so bad my friends didn’t want to be seen speaking to me.  She would say anyone who would talk to me was obviously a very poor judge of character.  She even came to my house to visit my roommates and complained that I was there!  She expected me to leave my own home because she was visiting!

I ended up having to move out and the people who chose my “side” moved with me.  People who chose her “side” stopped speaking to everyone sharing the house with me.  If I never see that girl again it will be too soon.  She was so wicked and spread so many lies about me.

But the really funny thing – Keith and I are still friends.  He never had a problem with me at all.  The whole thing was because of that girl.

Do you know anyone who acts like that?  Do you think she really is a mean person or could there be something about the story we don’t know?  Let us know in the comments!

Do you have a story you’d like to share with the Stop The Drama! campaign?  Send it to us at DocRobyn (at) StopTheDramaNow (dot) com.

An Underclassman Stunt

It was a brisk, fall evening near the end of soccer season. Megan was a high school senior and starting striker on the team. She was excited to play the full 90 minutes of her favorite sport. She had recently received the all clear from the team doctor after having been out for a year with a torn ACL. So it was even more important to her to make this night, Senior Night, memorable. She knew the game would be a tough one. The team they were playing was talented and strong. Adding to the excitement, the game was going to be played under the lights at the football stadium.

The season had had several ups and downs. It was the coach’s first season with them, and it seemed evident that he was out of his element trying to coach 25 high school girls. But tonight they were all focused on one thing – winning.

The whistle blew and the game started off as planned: all seniors were in the starting lineup. But fifteen short minutes into the game, with two major scoring opportunities missed, the coach decided to pull Megan and two other seniors, including the team captain out of the game. They were barely off the field before they started firing questions at the coach. “Why are we being taken out? We are seniors! Everyone left on the field is too inexperienced! The other team is going to score any minute!” The coach provided no explanation, but another teammate was happy to fill the information void.

She explained:

An overconfident and cocky underclassman, Shana, had believed she was the missing link to put her team in the lead. She had demanded that the coach put her in the game. After the two missed scores the coach gave into her demands.

The displaced seniors where furious! How dare an underclassman pull such a stunt? More importantly, why was the coach listening to her?

Megan and her fellow senior teammates decided to take matters into their own hands. They waited about five minutes to see if Shana could make a difference in the game. She wasn’t. Without speaking to the coach, Megan and the team captain walked over to the 50 yard line and waited to be substituted in. As the ref put them into the game the coach stood in disbelief at their audacity..

A short two minutes later, Megan scored a goal, off of an assist from the team captain. For them, this small victory was evidence that they were right and pumped their adrenaline. They teamed up twice more to score a goal each; leading their team to victory while Shana stomped up and down the sidelines complaining to anyone who would listen.

The hurt feelings and anger from that night lingered for the rest of the season. Megan and her fellow seniors graduated with the distrust and disrespect displayed that night unforgotten and unresolved.

Do you think the win justifies Megan’s action to go over the coach’s head during the game? What do you think would be the impact on the team for next season? Will the actions of three seniors carryover into girls believing they can sub in and out at will, without input from the coach?

Let us know what you think!